What does an emotionally healthy child look like?

 Emotionally healthy children can define situations and follow a positive path that leads to a life that is worth living. 

They have an unusual ability of monitoring and control their emotions, adjust their mindset and behavior accordingly. An important step in raising an emotionally healthy child is to identify their emotional needs and strive to meet them now that they are young. Every child needs emotional support environments to grow into an emotionally healthy adult! 

 The environment where a child spends most of his/her active hours is home and school: it has been a long time battle of who is responsible for what and what regarding a child. By sincere response is that all parties should embrace a team approach. 

 It is easy for parents and teachers to identify a child’s physical needs: nutritious food, warm clothes when it’s cold, bedtime at a reasonable hour. However, a child’s emotional needs may not be as obvious. Emotional healthy children think clearly, develop socially and learn new skills more easily. Friendliness and encouraging words from adults are important for helping children develop self-confidence, high self-esteem, and a healthy emotional outlook on life.

 A child’s physical and emotional health are both important. In the 21st century, parents are working hard to provide child’s basic needs like food, clothes, shelter, and other accessories like toys, computer games, etc. But the sad part of the story is that most of these things come at the detriment of an inherent need of every child: emotional support.

 Basics for a child’s emotional health:
 • Unconditional love from family 
• Self-confidence and high self-esteem
 • The opportunity to play with other children
 • Encouraging teachers and supportive caretakers 
• Safe and secure surroundings 
• Appropriate guidance and discipline

 If these basic emotional needs of a child is not been met, such a child may resolve to any of these dangerous behavioral pattern as they grow older: 

1. Seek Pseudo–Satisfactions If children’s emotional needs are not satisfied legitimately from the home front or school environment, they will look for means of filling the gap. As a result of trying to meet these natural needs innocently, millions of children have become addicted to chemical or non-chemical substances. 
Parents and caregivers must be aware of some common counterfeit means that pre-teens, teens, and youths are using to fill their emotional needs in this 21st century. 

A. Computer games 
B. Batting/ gambling 
C. Pornography 
D. Sexual activities 
E. Substances abuse 

 2. Resolve to use coping mechanisms Over the years a long list has been compiled on various coping mechanisms youngsters use when they find themselves in an emotionally unhealthy environment.

 A. Resisting, defying, being negative 
B. Rebelling, disobeying, being insubordinate, sassing 
C. Retaliating, striking back, counterattacking, vandalizing 
D. Hitting, being belligerent, combative 
E. Breaking rules and laws 
F. Throwing temper tantrums, getting angry 
G. Lying, deceiving, hiding the truth 
H. Blaming others, tattling, telling on others 
I. Bossing or bullying others 
J. Banding together, forming alliances, organizing against the adult 
K. Withdrawing, fantasizing, daydreaming 
L. Competing, needing to win, hate to lose, needing to look good, making others look bad 
M. Giving up, feeling defeated, loafing, goofing off 
N. Leaving, escaping, staying away from home, running away, quitting school, cutting classes 
O. Not talking, ignoring, using the silent treatment, writing the adult off, keeping one's distance 
P. Crying, weeping; feeling depressed or hopeless 
Q. Becoming fearful, shy, timid, afraid to speak up, hesitant to try anything new 
R. Needing reassurance, seeking constant approval, feeling insecure 
S. Getting sick, developing psychosomatic ailments 
T. Overeating, excessive dieting 
U. Being submissive, conforming, complying; being dutiful, docile, apple-polishing, being a goody-goody, teacher's pet 
V. Drinking heavily, using drugs 

Way Forward 21st-century parents, teachers, and caregivers must begin to lead in other to salvage this generation from total drowning. 

 The word L-E-A-D-E-R has these components: 
• Love  
• Example  
• Acceptance 
 • Discipline 
• Empathy 
• Responsibility (given) 

Each of these deserves equal emphasis. Just because responsibility is mentioned last, it does not mean that it is the least important. Furthermore, I firmly believe that it is a futile exercise to discipline a child in the absence of an atmosphere of love and acceptance 

 1. Give children unconditional love.

 Mistakes and/or defeats should be expected and accepted. Confidence grows in a home that is full of unconditional love and affection. Nurture children’s confidence and self-esteem. 

• Praise Them - Your attention helps build their self-confidence and self-esteem. 

• Set Realistic Goals - Young children need realistic goals that match their ambitions with their abilities. With your help, older children can choose activities that test their abilities and increase their self-confidence. 

• Be Honest - Do not hide your failures from your children. They need to know that we all make mistakes. It can be very reassuring to know that adults are not perfect. 

• Avoid Sarcastic Remarks - If a child loses a game or fails a test, find out how he or she feels about the situation. Children may get discouraged and need a pep talk. Later, when they are ready, talk and offer assurance. 

• Encourage children - To not only strive to do their best, but also to enjoy the process. Trying new activities teaches children about teamwork, self-esteem, and new skills. 

2. Make time for play! 

 • Encourage Children to Play 

• Children Need Playmates 

• Parents Can be Great Playmates 

• Play for Fun 

• TV use should be monitored 

• School should be fun! 

 3. Provide appropriate guidance and instructive discipline Children need the opportunity to explore and develop new skills and independence. 

At the same time, children need to learn that certain behaviors are unacceptable and that they are responsible for the consequences of their actions. As members of a family, children need to learn the rules of the family unit. Offer guidance and discipline that is fair and consistent. They will take these social skills and rules of conduct to school and eventually to the workplace. 

Suggestions on Guidance and Discipline 

• Be firm, but kind and realistic with your expectations. Children’s development depends on their love and encouragement. 

• Set a good example. You cannot expect self-control and self-discipline from a child if you do not practice this behavior. 

• Criticize the behavior, not the child. It is best to say, “That was a bad thing you did,” rather than “You are a bad boy or girl.” 

• Avoid nagging, threats, and bribery. Children will learn to ignore nagging, and threats and bribes are seldom effective. Give children the reasons “why” you are disciplining them and what the potential consequences of their actions might be. 

• Talk about your feelings. We all lose our temper from time to time. If you do “blow your top,” it is important to talk about what happened and why you are angry. Apologize if you were wrong! Remember, the goal of disciplining a child is not to inflict pain on him/her or to control the child, but for him or her to learn self-control. 

4. Provide a safe and secure home and school setting for a child. It’s okay for children to feel afraid sometimes. Everyone is afraid of something at some point in their life. Fear and anxiety grow out of experiences that we do not understand. 

If your children have fears that will not go away and affect their behavior, the first step is to find out what is frightening them. Signs of Fear Nervous mannerisms, shyness, withdrawal and aggressive behavior may be signs of childhood fears. A change in normal eating and sleeping patterns may also signal an unhealthy fear. Children who “play sick” or feel anxious regularly may have some problems that need attention. 

Fear of school can occur following a stressful event such as moving to a new neighborhood, changing schools, or after a bad incident at school. Children may not want to go to school after a period of being at home because of an illness. 

Warning Signs of the emotionally unhealthy child. 

• Decline in school performance 

• Poor grades despite strong efforts 

• Regular worry or anxiety 

• Repeated refusal to go to school or take part in normal children’s activities 

• Hyperactivity or fidgeting 

• Persistent nightmares 

• Persistent disobedience or aggression 

• Frequent temper tantrums 
• Depression, sadness, or irritability 

A MILLION-DOLLAR QUESTION. 

1. How many times should parents, teachers, and caregivers tell a child they love him/her daily? 

2. How should they do that? 

 Paper Presented by Mr. Olayiwola Paul Akanni Mindscope Consultancy,
  +2348065522404